Solution PA

Doing nothing is not an option as the problem will not go away according to many experts. Until the child is reunited with the other parent they will continue to suffer psychological damage. Dana Laquidara was Alienated from her mother for approximately 40 years. See her website and podcasts at:

For many children the problem becomes intergenerational.

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Don't be a bystander. Anyone who is related to or knows an affected person no matter their age should try and help. While the child is Alienated they are suffering ongoing psychological damage which can have indirect impacts on the child's physical health. 

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The child may not be willing for your help now however they will be very grateful once they reunite with their Alienated parent. Maybe by reaching out to an affected child you might loose their friendship however it is a very worthwhile thing to do and if you can can get others to help you, you will likely succeed.


STEP 1 Share this website in confidence with as many of the close friends of the person that you can to get them interested and knowledgeable about the problem. The more friends that are supportive to help before the person knows about it the better.

STEP 2 Go to a Facebook page setup by the parent trying to connect with their child and post your support.

STEP 3 Ask the Aligned and absent parents to give each other a list of 10 things the other did well as a parent * then give those lists to the children or post on the Facebook page.

STEP 4 Ask the Aligned and absent parents to make a truce with each other in front of the children.

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See Dr Sheehan from the AFCC award winning UpToParents program at 6 minutes 45 seconds.

STEP 5 Get the child to join support groups for adult children of divorce on the internet such as on Facebook.

STEP 6 Support the child to change his/her environment ** to surround themselves with other people who see the value to society of supporting both parents in a child's life. People that say things like, is your absent parent proud about your latest travel adventure, does your absent parent like your boyfriend/girlfriend, did your absent parent come and visit you in hospital when you had your wisdom teeth out last year, was your absent parent involved in helping you choose a career, was your absent parent keen at sport/art/hobbies/languages etc like you. People that encourage a person to have momentos such as photos about each parent around them. Even adults in their 50's and 60's still tell other people about their dad and mum and their friends ask about them. These adults are still asked about celebrating Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Birthdays and Christmas, Hari Raya with them. This is normal for most people.

Support them to have a complete break of all contact from the Aligned parent for 90 days so they are not constrained from the emotional pressure of the Aligned parent to prevent them re-bonding with the absent parent. If you have a spare room in your house make it available to them to stay in.

Encourage them to contact the absent parent and allow the suppressed bonding to open up and reconnect with the absent parent. If you have a spare room in your house make it available to them to stay in.

When they are ready you should encourage THEM to give the parent who was formally absent in their life a hug. This is highly recommended by Dr Craig Childress as a way of re-bonding to that parent. 

Professor Linda Nielsen an expert in father-daughter relationships wrote this excellent article as a guide to help repair damaged relationships that young adult daughters have with their fathers.


Once the relationship with the absent parent is relatively normal, support the child to reconnect with the previously Aligned parent.  

* Concept borrowed from the multi award winning website UpToParents

** Concept borrowed from many specialist Psychologists such as Linda Gottlieb